for what?

man as this school year is getting closer and closer to the end...I'm getting less and less excited. I mean I'm super excited to graduate 'cause high school is crap. I've only got about a month and some change until schools over and I've pretty much got myself in the mindset that I no longer have to try to reach that point. Since I'm not going to univ. right off the bat if my grades slipped my admission wouldn't be revoked. I can do the bare minimum and still get the exact same result if I were to try extra hard. So it's really got me asking for what? And don't trip folks by no means do I mean to slack off in college...I'm really going to do it to it because I refuse to put myself in the same situations I was in. But until then I'm really asking myself for what?

solitary sally.

So lately I've totally been contemplating how sudden my leave to california will be. Home doesnt feel like home at all here. Home is supposed to be your comfort zone...That place you come back and look at the familiar faces and what they mean/meant to you..Aside from my family I'm feeling like I ain't got none of those. I'm not really trippin' over that though because I dont see anyone new coming in my life nor do I care to re-create that with anyone "in" my life currently. I'm ready to make somewhere else my "home"....Cause here feels foreign...I kinda feel like a tourist in my hometown. Nothing here means anything to me enough to want to stay longer then graduation. I'm actually contemplating getting up out of here the week after I graduate. Shoot nothings convincing me to stay. 

I'm gone for good.

man, the past year and half have been nothing short of something else. When I tkae a look at myself I have changed so much..and not in a positive way. I used to be a lot more optimistic and happy go lucky. Certain things and people have really changed me from the person that I was to the person I am now. This handful of time has been full of soooo many downs it's hard for me to think of any up's..It is so hard not to think pessimistically. I mean I am positions in I never thought I would be in ever. My school situation isn't at all what I wanted it to be but I'm glad that I now know what I'm going to be doing. As far as high school goes...it doesn't. It is really hard for me to stay a full day..I been doing A LOT better trust me but it is so hard. My entire high school career has been nothing like the "high school experience" and it's surely not going to end that way either. From this point to July I'm only holding on to one thing and that is leaving. I need a change of surroundings and I feel like I am going to leave everyone [which is not many] behind completely. I don't feel the need to really keep in contact with anyone once I'm gone. When I leave I'm gone and I'm gone for good.